Repost: Fighting the Urges or Accepting Them? Another excellent post...

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Repost:  Fighting the Urges or Accepting Them?

Another excellent post by Eric 7704.

I found when I accepted that craves were my body healing I felt better.  Craves are a suggestion not a command and each time you say no, you gain back a bit more power.  It does not seem so at the beginning, but the craves do lessen and for a long long time, a crave for me comes out of the blue with a suggestion - I may be driving and see someone smoking and think I should have a smoke - I dismiss it with - No thanks, I do not smoke anymore.  Done.
Quitting is doable.
Take smoking off the table as an option in your life.
KTQ
Cara
D6998
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REPOST:
Fighting The Urges or Accepting Them?
From Eric7704 on 11/4/2009 3:30:45 PM

Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water,
Yet nothing can better overcome the hard and strong,
For they can neither control nor do away with it.

The soft overcomes the hard,
The yielding overcomes the strong;

Just as a sapless tree will split and decay
So an inflexible force will meet defeat;
The hard and mighty lie beneath the ground
While the tender and weak dance on the breeze above.

~~Tao Te Ching

I used to believe that I was too weak to quit smoking. That I didn't have enough willpower to accomplish what seemed impossible and I had many failed quit attempts to validate this. For I have tried to quit so many different times and so many different ways that I had simply lost count, but while they may have differed in time and approaches. They all gave me the same answer. That I didn't have the strength to quit.

A lot of us don't feel that we are strong enough to free ourselves from this addiction. That we simply don't have enough willpower to overcome the urges when we first quit. And most of us have the memories of past quit attempts to witness to this, only to validate what we already believe. That addiction is stronger than us.

But what would happen if we stopped trying to be stronger than our addiction? After all, isn't this really what we have tried to do whenever we quit before? How many of us have quit smoking before, only to find ourselves later on down the road trying to find a compromise with the thinking that we would only smoke when this or that happened or during a certain time of day or an event? Then to only find ourselves back to square one with the added burden of having the belief that once again addiction has proved itself stronger than we are.

I used to say that I was powerless over smoking, yet my actions said otherwise. For I always tried to find a compromise after quitting. Carl Jung once said, and Einstein said something similar that "We cannot solve a problem on the same level of consciousness that created the problem." And yet, that is exactly what I let my junkie thinking do. Try to find a solution within the problem. That will always fail and in that was I acting insane. For again, Einstein defined insanity of doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

And often times when we attempt to quit smoking. We tell ourselves that this time we're going to muster up as much willpower that we can find and build up these walls for protection against the craves and urges that may come up. As soon as we feel a crave, we're going to fight it off and defeat it and this time we're going to win this battle. And maybe we do win the battle, but what about the "war"?

Repost: Fighting the Urges or Accepting Them?

Another excellent post by Eric 7704.

I found when I accepted that craves were my body healing I felt better. Craves are a suggestion not a command and each time you say no, you gain back a bit more power. It does not seem so at the beginning, but the craves do lessen and for a long long time, a crave for me comes out of the blue with a suggestion - I may be driving and see someone smoking and think I should have a smoke - I dismiss it with - No... Show more

Teach

4 days ago

7,002 Days Quit

4 days ago

Willpower is often talked about when quitting smoking. That we must be strong, "Just be strong. You are stronger than this." etc. And yes, there maybe times when we feel that is what we need. But what is willpower? It could be said in this case, that it is resisting an urge to not do something that we feel compelled to do. We then fight against an urge, but then that activates our fight or flight response. The very same response that was activated when we craved cigarettes as smokers. Can we make a thought or urge diminish by feeding it the very thing that it thrives on? Can fear defeat fear? Is it possible to push a thought out of your mind, when your mind is focused entirely on that thought? Thoughts cannot leave their source, our mind. What we resist, persists and fighting a thought can turn it into a full length feature film. For it could be said that willpower is not really taking action, but a reaction from an indecision on a mind that is split in what it wants. For now it has no choice but to fight against itself.

And even when we win the battle, we are still often times then left drained and exhausted and wondering if we're going to be able to muster up enough willpower for the next time. Often times leaving us in despair and doubts. For it feels like trying to keep the ocean waves from reaching the beach. A lot of effort, but with very little results.

But what would happen if we stopped fighting and accepted What Is? Do we think that we would then be swallowed up into the abyss of addiction once again? Isn't that what fighting is doing to us already? Consuming us? Consuming our thoughts? Consuming our energy? Consuming our strength? Consuming our hope?

What would happen if we accepted what was happening within the moment and not fight against What is? If we stop and think about it, isn't it just a little strange to fight against the reality of what is already happening? Is fear going to defeat the Truth of What Is within the present moment? Is the fight or flight response really going to calm the mind?

If we have a thought or urge to smoke. It doesn't mean that we have to act on it or to fight against it. It also doesn't mean that we have to like it, but we can accept it. And by accepting What Is within a moment of discomfort can we find peace within.

We are not our thoughts and we don't have to believe everything we think, especially about ourselves. We have sayings like, "I was lost in my thoughts", or "I was talking to myself." And yet we don't really think too much about that. Who is the "I" and who is the "my"? Who is the "I" and who is the "myself"?

The mind never stops creating. An idle thought is a contradiction in terms. There are no neutral thoughts. Every thought produces an effect on some level. We often times give thoughts autonomy and passively condone the mind's miscreations. Psychologists suggest that we think close to 70,000 thoughts per day and that a majority of those thoughts are not only repetitive, but also negative. There is a constant inner dialogue that is going on in our minds that most of the time we don't even realize, because most of the time we are so identified with our thoughts that we believe that we are our thoughts. And every once in a while we'll realize this and get a glimpse. Maybe not to the extent to where we finally understand that we are not our thoughts, but there is some awareness with the statement, "Ahh I caught myself thinking about ........" In that moment there is a detachment. An unconscious realization that we are more than what we think.

Watch your thoughts as the day goes on. See what you're thinking. If you start to think negatively, practice being the awareness behind the thought. Almost as if you (the awareness) were standing behind the thought observing it. Don't identify with it, agree with it or judge it. Simply observe it and by doing so you will automatically detach yourself from the thought and realize that it is simply a thought happening within the moment. And you might find as you practice this, that the thought simply will dissipate on its own.

But if we keep identifying with our thoughts and becoming our thoughts, then we let fear in, which we all know can wreak havoc. This can be used as a good example of mind wandering. For when we keep the reality obscured, we leave the situation to the imagination and the imagination is a powerful part of the mind. It can either be used for us or against us. It would be a mistake to think that a mind used wrongly is weak, for the mind is not weak. The power that we use against ourselves is just as powerful as it is when we use it for ourselves. Though when the mind is used against us, we tend to project these thoughts within, from ourselves onto an object and disassociate ourselves from the projected thoughts and then believe that it is the object or situation that is creating the psychological fear, keeping it obscure that it is our own mind that is creating the psychological fear and then projecting it outside ourselves. It could be said that when we use the mind wrongly, we aren't really using the mind at all. The mind is using us.

Another thing that usually happens also for the mind that is in fear, is that it will tend to project its thoughts into either the past or the future, but overlooks the present moment entirely. The mind that anticipates(future projection) quitting will usually wander in possible scenarios. "What if this happens or that or craves, will they last forever? Is this what it is going to be like being a non smoker for the rest of my life?"etc. The fearful mind is never at a loss of creating what if scenarios. And almost always when the time does come it is far less scary as was anticipated. I read a quote somewhere that said, "The worst things that have ever happened in my life, never actually occurred except in my mind."

The fearful mind uses the past also to validate its fear Now. It is the proof that it has every reason to be fearful. "Look at that time I tried to quit and what happened then and the situation that "caused" me to go back to smoking." Not to mention that often times we use the past references to project the future imaginings. The mind that is pre occupied with remembering past failed quit attempts or the possibility of a future failure is not only in distress, but overlooking the only time that is real. Now. This is the only time that exists. This is the only time where we can be pro active and not reactive. If our minds are pre occupied with the past or with the future, then where are we Now? In a seeming abyss of swirling thoughts in our heads, producing a future hell from past validations. Which then can cause us to make the wrong decision and a decision is but a conclusion based off of everything that we believe within that particular moment.

Acceptance can help us to respond to a situation and not simply be reduced to a reaction to it. It can help us take positive steps to achieving our goal and not away from it. It can help us remain present, instead of letting our minds wander from past witnesses to future possibilities. As they say, "One day at a time." It can help us see that there is a difference between discomfort and suffering. One is happening and the other is the perception of what is happening.

I certainly don't want to take away anyone's willpower and if that gets you through, good. As long as you get through, but there is also another way. We can out maneuver the crave, by accepting it. Again, I cannot recommend deep breathing exercises. Whether the ones that I have put up or others that you have found or learned that might suit you better.

We may have bad moments when we first quit, but moments always pass. The Freedom that encompasses these sometimes bad moments is forever. Craves do not last forever. The only people that have craves forever are people that don't quit smoking. And what if later on down the road you have a thought to smoke? What is a thought in a moment really? A thought to smoke in a particular situation is infinitely better than the NEED to smoke in any situation.

Eric

I freed myself on 7/7/04